My mum was horrified when the nurse placed me, a tiny crumpled
newborn, in her arms. I had a shock of black hair that stuck
upwards from my head like a loo brush and an enormous angry
birthmark that covered my forehead in a V. Now, the V could have
been for victory (and later, my fat face squashed above layers of
wobbling, pre-toddler chins, there was an uncanny resemblance
between me and Mr Churchill) but I like to think that it was my way
of giving the two fingers to the world. It was October 1967, the
flowers were dying as the summer of love wilted into autumn, and I
was already anticipating the angry scream of punk that would both
fuel - and provide the musical backdrop to - my teenage angst.
You see, according to family mythology, I was born with middle
child syndrome. OK, my younger brother wasn't yet so much as a
twinkle in my father's eye, but from the moment that I let out my
first blubbering yell, I knew that the demon Tiny Tears destroyer
was in hot pursuit. With a chip on my shoulder big enough to end
world hunger, I stomped my way through my early years with a look
of unflinching determination stamped upon my face. It seemed that
nothing was going to stop me!
Now I don't know what happened between those early toddlers years
and adulthood, but at some point this awesome beast-of-a-will of
mine ran off with its tail between its legs, curled over in
whimpering submission, where it has been chasing rabbits in its
sleep ever since.
Which brings me, somewhat circuitously, to hagsharlotsheroines.
Included here amongst these stories are some real die-hard, bolshy
broads, who broke the mould and lived their lives according to
their own rules. And my theory is (and I need you with me on this
one) that if only I had had these intelligent, dynamic females as
role models, rather than the union crushing, public utility selling
Iron Lady, well, who knows what dizzy heights I could have risen
to? All right, the analogy is a little weak, but with only Baroness
Thatcher and Queen Liz as representatives of powerful women to
aspire to - well, it's no surprise that so many of us unfortunate
enough to hit puberty during the eighties turned to punk rock and
white lightning cider for salvation.
What I am trying to explain, in my usual convoluted way, is why I
started writing these stories - or more specifically - how I got so
hooked. For someone like me, these histories are manna from heaven,
tales so fabulous that the job of writing them is already half
done. Added to this, there is the discovery of extraordinary female
role models that I have found so lacking until now. And so I have
changed from a skinny, anaemic waif, half starved from lack of
sustenance, to a glutton, a devourer of stories, always hungry,
always ravenous for more.
All this talk of food is making me peckish. So let's get back to
the feast…